Looking Up

I felt like the best part of my life was behind me. What kind of twenty year old thinks like that? I have so much to look forward to. But when I think of Ebeye, tears fill my eyes. I am naturally a reserved person. It takes me a while to open up to people and really get to know them. I don’t know how, but my kids in Ebeye were a major exception. In those five short months, I fell in love with each of them. No reservations at all. My heart broke into 21 pieces the day I said goodbye and I’ve spent hours and hours reminiscing and crying over those precious kids God put in my life.

I felt like the best days of my life were behind me and it was all down hill from here. I did what God asked me to do and then I was back at home where life was on pause and all I had to do was look back. I felt like God’s plan for me was over and He had forgotten about me. Though I was now home, I was homesick for Ebeye.

One Friday night, when I was missing and googling Ebeye, I happened upon a blog of a woman who had gone to Ebeye as a student missionary several years ago. I enjoyed reading her post about the island and her students who were now in high school. I identified with her in many ways and continued reading other posts she had written. She posted regularly on her somewhat well known cooking blog and wrote about her current life. Since she had left Ebeye, she had become a teacher, learned to cook, met her husband, married him and loved her life. There was so much she had to look forward to after Ebeye. Her heart was broken when she left, but it was now cheerful. God had not forgotten about her. She spoke of her students with appreciation rather than tearfully missing them every day. Her life was changed after Ebeye, but certainly not over.

This struck me so personally tears welled up in my eyes as I read her simple posts about dinner for her husband. God had not forgotten about me either. I had forgotten about Him. He was the One that was with me every day in Ebeye and opened my heart to fall in love with my kids. He was there when I waved goodbye from the ferry, and as I first stepped onto American soil. He sees each tear fall as I miss my island home and feels my pain every day. He understands and He cares. I was awakened to the fact that God has a plan for my life, too. It isn’t over; it is just ahead. My career, new relationships, and new experiences are all awaiting me. I truly believe God is present in a special way during the Sabbath hours because as strange as it seems, this simple cooking blog filled me with God’s compassionate and constant love.

My life was changed in Ebeye, but it is far from over. It still has a purpose and He is not finished with me yet. I have to remind myself of this every day. I am working on keeping my eyes fixed on Him and trusting Him with my life.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” –Jeremiah 29:11